How Romance Scams Start: The Subtle Hooks That Reel You In

One day, you get a text from an unknown number.

It doesn’t seem overtly suspicious. Maybe it’s a wrong number. Maybe it’s someone you forgot to save in your contacts. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the opening move in a long, calculated con.

Romance scams don’t start with an elaborate sob story or a desperate plea for money. They start small. A seemingly casual text. A mistaken identity. A stranger who—despite the odds—seems weirdly interested in you.

The Opening Move: A Seemingly Harmless Text

Scammers cast a wide net, sending vague, friendly messages to random numbers. The goal? To get you to engage.

Now, let’s look at another approach:

This one is even sneakier. It preys on confusion. If your name isn’t Annie, you might reply with, “Sorry, wrong number!”—which tells the scammer they’ve found an active line with a real person. And if your name is Annie? Well, now they have a foot in the door.

Why This Works: The Psychology Behind It

At first glance, these messages don’t scream scam. That’s the whole point. If a stranger texted you saying, “I’m stranded overseas and need money!”, you’d block them instantly. But if someone messages you thinking you’re an old friend, a coworker, or a casual acquaintance? You might just reply.

That first reply is crucial. It tells the scammer three things:

1. The number is active. They now know they’ve got a real person on the other end.
2. You’re willing to engage. Even if it’s just a short response, it’s a green light to keep messaging.
3. You’re a potential target. They’ll adjust their approach based on how you respond.

From here, they’ll start building trust. Maybe they’ll claim they’re lonely, that they’ve recently gone through a tough breakup, or that they’re looking for friends. If you keep responding, they’ll escalate—dropping hints of wealth, affection, or personal struggles.

Elderly People Are Prime Targets for These Scams

If you’re reading this and thinking, I’d never fall for that, you’re probably right. But think about the older people in your life—your parents, grandparents, or even an elderly neighbor. They didn’t grow up with the same digital skepticism that younger generations have.

Scammers love targeting elderly people because:

• They’re more likely to engage in polite conversation with strangers.
• They may not recognize modern scam tactics.
• They’re often lonely, making them more susceptible to an emotional connection.
• They may have retirement savings or assets that scammers want to drain.

Many seniors have fallen for romance scams that start just like this. A casual text leads to months of manipulated trust, which turns into a financial nightmare. The scammer will eventually create a crisis—a medical emergency, a business investment, a last-minute travel issue—and ask for money. And by the time the victim realizes what’s happening, they’ve already sent thousands of dollars to someone they’ve never met.

How to Protect Yourself (And the Elderly People in Your Life)

• Don’t engage with unknown numbers. If you get a message like this, ignore it. Responding—even to say “wrong number”—just confirms you’re a real person.
• Educate elderly family members. Sit down with your parents or grandparents and show them examples of scam messages like these. Make sure they know to never respond or send money to anyone they meet online.
• Be wary of strangers who quickly get personal. If a new “friend” or online connection starts professing deep emotions too soon, that’s a red flag.
• If someone asks for money—ever—assume it’s a scam. Especially if you’ve never met them in person.

These scams thrive on loneliness, curiosity, and trust. They don’t work if you never reply. So next time you get a random text from someone you don’t know, don’t wonder who it might be. Assume it’s a scammer—and hit block. And if you have elderly loved ones, make sure they know to do the same. It could save them from a heartbreak—and an empty bank account.